Thursday Night Rant: I DON'T Want My MTV...

At least, just during this fasting month. ‘Cos you see, it’s pretty tough to protect my eyes from unclean images when every other video features babes in bikinis gyrating away like nobody’s business. Surely that’s a kazillion points knocked off of my “pahala” pool. Major bummer indeed.

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Thursday Night Rant: And The Fake Award Goes To…

The show’s long over but people are still talking about the suckiness of the TV broadcast of Festival Filem Malaysia 20. “Lifeless”, “pathetic” and “macam sial” are just some of the unkind descriptions I’ve heard personally.

And yes, I agree completely.

But what really got my goat as well was the presentation of the various “Anugerah Juri” at the beginning of the show. The Awards, such as “Anugerah Juri Bagi Usaha Berterusan Papar Budaya Masyarakat Setempat”, sound totally made-up with the intention of somehow rewarding losers.

But if that’s what floats their boat, here are my suggestions for next year:

Anugerah Khas juri Bagi Filem Yang Tidak Memaparkan Unsur-Unsur Klise Seperti “Datuk Yang Kaya Dan Gatal Yang Suka Ke Disco Dangdut”, “Fresh Orange” Dan Sebagainya

Anugerah Khas Juri Bagi Paparan Masyarakat Yang Langsung Tak Sama Dengan Realiti Semasa Kerana Masyarakat Perlu Dilindungi Dari Unsur-Unsur Realiti Yang Negatif

Anugerah Khas Juri Filem Yang Sarat Dengan “Product Placement” Sehingga Penonton Berasa Teruja Membeli Produk Tersebut Sebaik Sahaja Keluar Panggung

Thursday Night Rant: What's all the fust?

I think my English is pretty decent lah, but I was completely stumped when I got this on my astro:


FUST FOR LAUGH? What the? So I keyed in the word on dictionary.com...

\Fust\, v. i. To become moldy; to smell ill. [Obs.]

So, this show is about "to become moldy for laughs"? Hahaha! By God, IT IS funny!

So there, we all learned something new today, huh? Even if it was entirely based on a typo...

Thursday Night Rant: Pussies Don't Roar, OK?

Saw this ad in yesterday's The Star...

Roar with the Tigers? What?

Are we talking about the same "Tigers" that conceded 12 goals in 3 games, scoring only one? The same "Tigers" that act like mere pussies when thrown into the ring?

Are we even watching the same tournament here? Sheesh...

Thursday Night Rant: The Cost Of Celebrating

I finally have a problem with the over-commercialism of stuff.

It started of course with the Great Valentine Con where people (and when I say people, I mean men) currently have to take up personal loans just to buy a stalk of rose and a box of Smarties on the day.

The sacred month of Ramadan came next. I mean RM100-per-head buka puasa buffets don’t really go with the whole spirit of going through what the poor experience one month in a year, does it? Really, how many poor people you know break their fast with lamb masala and chocolate-coated strawberries?

Then of course there’s the whole current obsession with over-celebrating family members. It’s great that you appreciate your moms and dads on the designated days, but it’s downright appalling how businesses are jumping on the bandwagon.

So now we’re supposed to show how much we love our parents by giving them water filters, or the latest furniture, or even lingerie.
m.zulkifli

“Happy Mother’s Day, mom. Here, I bought you a thong.”
“Awww, you shouldn’t have, son. I look awful in these.”

Sheesh…

Thursday Night Rant: Eat it?

Sambal pizza? Like, euwww…

Please lah. We already eat just about everything else with sambal on the side, now we’re supposed to have it as a pizza? To quote my late dad: “Bagi pree pun tak hingin”.

And why are we so keen in ruining other people’s dishes?

I mean, if Italians were to take our nasi lemak and slap cheese on to it, what do you think our reaction will be? “Nak mampus ke letak cheese kat nasi lemak?” we’d say.

So, can you imagine what Filipo Inzaghi and co might be saying about this sambal pizza?

Thursday Night Rant: Tengoklah!

Afdlin Shauki's latest movie Sumolah is not doing well at the cinemas. So much so that the man himself has made an emergency personal plea via his blog for people to go and watch the film. Read it here.

The dude has enjoyed great success with his previous films and it's quite puzzling why his latest effort is not bringing in the bucks, especially when you consider the sumo-sized promo (sorry, couldn't resist that) supported by telco X that began since early in the year.

All this though reminds me of Hanya Kawan a few years back, helmed by Afdlin's bud Harith Iskander.

The film had star power in the form of Hans Isaac and Ella, and the hype was on hyperdrive for the longest time. Which was also its problem. Posters of the movie (which were cool, btw) were up long before the film was released. And by the time it actually hit the cinemas, people basically had had enough of it. (The posters also had turned kuning).

I don't really believe you can over-promote anything, but that was what happened with Hanya Kawan.

Then again, Sumolah's problem might be something else.

m.zulkifli

You knowlah. That itsy bitsy spider...

Thursday Night Rant: Committee anyone?

Since early this year, I’ve been lucky enough to attend seminars and workshops on matters related to new media and digital content. And there are loads to talk about ‘cos the problems are aplenty in this area.

But no, I won’t be getting into that here. Instead, let me just share with you the one big solution often proposed at most of these seminars (get ready for it): … “Kita tubuhkan committee”. (“We form a committee”).

And this applies to just about everything related to the matter. How to market content overseas? Kita tubuhkan committee. How to ensure rights of IP owners? Kita tubuhkan committee.

So ok, sometimes there are other solutions offered. One of which is (get ready for it)… “Kita tubuhkan PERSATUAN”.

Whoa! Ain’t that really creative?

Then again, committees and associations are in fact a way of life here in Malaysia. I mean, half of the catering businesses in this country would quickly close shop if not for the various AGMs and EGMs of various committees and associations. Not to mention file and goodie bag makers…

So even when we move into areas supposedly committee-free – like this wonderful world of the Internet – there’s bound to be those who can't shake off that persatuan mentality.

And when there’s a persatuan, there’s bound to be politicking and power struggle (and fees collected for some stupid T-shirt). So, no thank you from me.

Besides, I’m still traumatised by the whole Persatuan Sejarah experience back in form 4.

Thursday Night Rant: Are you listening?

Service sucks in this country. It’s a fact of life I’ve long accepted. I mean, the last time I saw a smiling waiter was basically never. And there must a piece of legislation that I don’t know of that prohibits the use of terms like “can I help you?” and “thank you”, and even the whole act of smiling.

BUT I do expect people to listen at the very least…

“Service” crew: Welcome to McDonald’s…
Me: Hi. Can I have a Big Mac set meal, medium, with coke and no dessert. Having here.

“Service” crew: Set is it?
Me: Yes.

“Service” crew: What size?
Me: Er, like I said. Medium.

“Service” crew: Okay, what soft drink?
Me: Like I said, Coke.

“Service” crew: Any apple pie or sundae?
Me: Again, like I said, no dessert. I’m having he…

“Service” crew: Take away or having here?
Me: No, can you send this to my grandma’s house in Miri?

“Service” crew: OK. That’ll be RM8.57.