When Meeting An Old Friend...

So I bumped into an old University mate yesterday and during the obligatory handshake, the dude muttered: “Gemuknya kau”.

Two things I need to highlight here. Firstly, I am no Afdlin Shauki. And secondly, while I’m the type who generally doesn’t give a damn about what others think of me, the context and tone of the statement somewhat irked me.

And you know what I did? I simply blew him off, by turning away after the handshake and went about my business. Hah!

Personally, I’m one who practices “prasangka baik” when meeting people. Always say hello, ask how the person is doing and maybe fire another question about family or work. Even if the person had grown an extra nose, I’d find it rude to mention it right in front of his face.

Anyway, back to my ‘friend’’s earlier statement, the tone was undeniably sympathetic. Hey, I don’t need your sympathy, dumbass. And I think it’s clear that when someone says something like that, it’s more about him saying something about himself indirectly. “Gemuknya kau, tengok aku ni, still fit lagi.” How sad is that.

Thing is though, I was more irked by my own quick wit failing me at that moment. But having thought about it for a few hours, I’ve got a string of comebacks that will clearly show that I too can play the game. Here goes:

- “Yes I’m fat. Hey remember how you failed Arabic Language for four straight semesters? Are you still THAT dumb?”

- “Yes I’m fat. Hey when I got into the Juara Lagu finals TWICE, where were you. Oh I forgot you had no such talent.”

- “Yes I’m fat. I’ve also published a book. You still can’t spell for nuts, huh?”

- “Yes I’m fat. But it’s so sad for you how they’ve not found a cure for ugly…”

Damn I can be really mean…