The World Cup Terrible XI

Here’s my list of the worst performers, for various reasons, at this year’s World Cup:

Robert Green
At the biggest game of his life so far against the US, the West Ham keeper kissed his international career goodbye by letting slip a tame shot into the net. Approximately three billion people rained curses on him at the same time.

Felipe Melo
A habitually violent player, Melo made things difficult for Brazil by stamping on Arjen Robben in the quarter-final and got sent off in disgrace. Mellow, he is not.

Oh Beom-seok
The South Korean defender gave away free-kicks and was mostly asleep during the entire match against Argentina which saw them whipped 4-1. So unlike a true, high-spirited and alert South Korean player.

Patrice Evra
Couldn’t defend to save his life, Evra then led a revolt against his own coach. Refer “Anelka”…

Mark Van Bommel
The Dutch midfielder committed like a gazillion fouls and was deliberate in his attempt to play like an amateurish thug.

Kaka
Suddenly became a card-collecting menace who failed to score even once.

Cristiano Ronaldo
The most expensive player in the world managed only ONE goal, that too, against North freakin’ Korea. Other times, he mostly strutted around like a peacock on the field and threatened to cry every time he was fouled. Bosan.

Asamoah Gyan
The very last second of extra time and you’re given a chance to take your team into the semi-finals. All you have to do is score. FROM THE PENALTY SPOT. But nooo…. “Super-confident” Gyan crashed his attempt against the bar and broke millions of African hearts. LOOOSER…

Yakubu
Four yards away from a gaping goalmouth (against South Korea) and he fluffed his shot. Budak tadika pun boleh score lah wei…

Nicolas Anelka
Le Sulk managed to suck even more at the World Cup. After a pedestrian performance (literally!) against Mexico in the first half, the Chelsea striker launched into a foul-mouthed tirade against manager Raymond Domenech. He was sent home immediately after refusing to apologise, but the incident led the rest of the team refusing to train. Talk about a bad influence, this guy is the very epitome of it.

Wayne Rooney
Where do I even start? Shrek was so bad, it wasn’t even funny. See, I’m too disgusted to even finish this write-up…